Family War

I feel like there is quite literally a war beginning in my family. It's the boys against the girls. We're out numbered 2 to 4. First this thing with my oldest little brother. Then my dad choosing My brother's and the girls in the basements side. (I don't know if he actually has. It's just how I feel from our "conversations.") Then I put a pic of my dad up on my myspace from who knows how many years ago from his mission. He's standing with Marie Osmond. I thought it was great. I get a message from my youngest brother saying "Take the family pics off of your pictures. We don't need every asshole on the internet seeing a picture of dad with a name tag Elder D. B_______." (I erased the rest of MY last name so if they happen across this I can avoid further reprimanding.) Ok if my dad doesn't want the picture up then that's fine. I would have erased it. But getting a rude email from my 15 year old brother doesn't make me feel like doing anything. So to appease the masses I just made that section of my picture visible to friends only. Hopefully I'm not friends with "every asshole on the internet."

How am I supposed to fight a war when the playing ground isn't fair? I don't want to fight a war. I just feel it's inevitable. I guess the only good thing we have going is that I'm not afraid to speak my mind. My Mom has a harder time with that. She doesn't like to say things impulsively that will make things worse. She likes to think of the situation and then respond. I just fly off the handle. Much like my father and youngest brother.

Problem is my youngest brother is so manipulative in things he says to my dad. He can say anything true or not, usually not, and have my dad believing it. Usually things about me. "Whitney's done drugs..." I've heard that one before. Never have and NEVER will. But do you think my dad believes that? Hell no... I've been so in and out of every one's life that they don't even know me. Did they know where I lived half of the time I wasn't home? No. Did they know that I had a roommate crazier than a shit house rat? No. Did they know I was an alcoholic for a year? No. Did they know I was in the worst abusive relationship ever for almost a year? No. They don't know and more importantly, they don't care. I could sit down and try to talk to anyone in my family and it will always turn against me.

I'm the oldest I'm supposed to be an example. EXAMPLE?! To what? 3 boys? how is that supposed to work? The rules seem to have changed so much for each kid. How is that supposed to be fair? I know times change and things need to be tweaked but have a little bit of consistency. Some rules would be a good idea. They have none. I had bad grades=grounded for life. They get bad grades=no one gives a shit.

I'm done fighting. I think that might be the best thing now. I'm done. Here's my white flag waving. Leave me out of this. I need to get out of here. Get away from everything. Start over somewhere new. Leave my "family" behind.