Welcome to Wonderland

Day after Christmas

2011-12-26T16:45:00.001-08:00

I'm getting worse and worse at blogging. Day after Christmas and I remember to add our Christmas pics. argh. This Christmas was amazing! We were incredibly spoiled. :) Hopefully I'll get a chance to update more on Christmas and the New Year. Bug's awake from her nap which means it's her time now :)

Cloth Diaper-a-go-go!

2011-09-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

I knew I had wanted to try cloth diapering to see if it was something that would work for us. While we were registering for our showers I had told Taylor that. Char came and cloth seemed something of the past. I didn't have a whole lot of info on them so I didn't pursue it. I had some friends that did it with their kids and loved it. I still didn't know if it was going to be for us. Brooke had read more about it and started clothing M. Now I had someone I was close with doing it... maybe it was time to look into it some more. My friend Kirstin brought one of her diapers to her shower so I could take a look at it. Seemed simple enough. The snaps galore on the front scared me until I realized what each one was for. Brooke gave me and Nizel a tutorial on the diapers she had. Still was a little skeptical. Babysteals had a deal for some Blueberry Minky OS Pocket Bamboo diapers. Confused yet? :) I looked at the price they were offering and then looked at the Blueberry's website and saw the great discount they were at. I bought 3. I got em prepped and ready to go. Still a little worried on how this was going to work. Low and behold, I loved em! I started looking into other brands and types to see what would work best. I decided I really liked the pocket diapers. These diapers are SOOOO different then just a few years ago. No more plastic pants. These diapers are awesome! They have an outer which can be made with just about any fabric then a layer of PUL which is the waterproof material then a layer of moisture wicking fabric. There is an opening at the back, front or both where you insert and insert. Inserts can be made of microfiber, bamboo, hemp, cotton, zorb... there's a few more I don't remember. The insert pulls the moisture in and leaves the bum dry. When it comes time to wash you just pull the insert out and throw it and the diaper in the wash. Since going to cloth I have become slightly... ok ok.. VERY addicted to them! they are just so cute! I've tried out a few different kinds as well. There's AIO, AI2, Fitted, Covers. I haven't gone into prefold territory yet... don't know that I will. Maybe as an insert down the road. I've found WAHM's that make the cutest diapers. Bug has one cute bum!

Taylor at first didn't know what to think of cloth. He said he'd change her out of one and put her in a disposable if he was changing her... odd... putting one on is the easiest part. But since then he has completely come on board and likes them. We went to Park City for our anniversary a few weeks ago and we had been still using disposables at night. Well he was changing her out of a disposable into a cloth and said "I hate disposable diapers." YAY!!!!!! Since that point we've been clothing full time, day and night with great success!

I've been able to help a few friends with info about them as well. I really like that people can ask me a question about them and I feel confident in my answers. I also became friends with the lady that runs Cloth Diaper Utah, Anita. She helped me at a few more snaps to a couple of my diapers. I've been able to refer some friends to her to help get them started. They also hold monthly meetings where fellow clothers get together and talk diapers. I love it! I love seeing all the different kinds these ladies make and use.

So if you know anyone that needs help with cloth, send em my way! If i don't know the answer I will definitely go looking for it!

Our Stash:

6 Bumgenius

5 Bluberry

5 Oh Katy!

6 Wild Mountain Mommies (3 pockets, 2 covers, and 1 fitted)

6 MotherEase

5 Modified Mommas Creations (3 still being made)

2 Bonnibuns

2 Meagan's fitted (still being made)

1 Happy Heiny

1 Bumware

1 Itti Bitti (for sale)

2 GDiapers (going to Xela)

6 months!

2011-08-26T09:51:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted in forever! I'm bad, I know. I've just been too busy playing with my beautiful little girl to worry about posting on here.

6 months! can you believe she is already 6 months! She is the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen, the sweetest little girl I've ever known... and she's all mine! I wouldn't trade a single day, even the bad ones, for anything in the world! It has been so much fun watching her grow and seeing her personality come out. She is such a happy baby. Always smiling or talking. Her little voice is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. She loves her jumperoo. she is constantly bouncing even when she's not in it. She's pushed up like she's going to crawl but instead of going forward she goes backwards. :) She'll get it soon. She rolls over like a champ! back and forth. She sleeps through the night, and has for nearly 5 months. She loves to eat people's faces, hands, noses, anything she can grab. She started pureed foods and so far loves sweet potatoes the best. She LOVES her ladybugs! Thank goodness since she has so many! we have a vinyl one on her wall that she loves to look at and try to grab. She loves her daddy. He can always get her to smile and laugh. oh the laugh! SO cute! i wish I could get her to laugh like he can. oh I could keep going on and on about this little girl. I love her so much!!!

I don't think I've written anything about it but we've been cloth diapering for a little over 2 months now. I wish more people did. I didn't know in the beginning if it would be something for us but I'm so glad I gave it a chance. it's so easy, better for her bum, and it's CUTE! I've gotten some really cute diapers for her and sadly i think i may be addicted to them now! :)

We had her 6 month check up last week and she is doing great! 55 percentile for height and 45 for weight. We also got some pics done and they are amazing!! FotoFly you've got a customer for life!!!

moving and a blessing

2011-06-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well we got all moved last weekend! Sorry Cassie I just saw your comment on my last post. Thank you though! :)

We moved back to West Valley to be closer to Taylor's work and Family that are out here that we see a lot. I found the place, previewed it, submitted our applications, placed the deposit, signed the lease, paid our first month's rent and picked up the keys all before Taylor had even seen the place! I had shown him pics but that was about all. He left it up to me to decide since I'm the one who's home the most and know what we need. The place is small but it's just right for us. It's 2 bedrooms 1 bath with a YARD!!!! decent sized kitchen and a laundry room instead

of a closet, LOTS of storage space and a good sized living space. The yard is currently a combo of weeds and grass but with a little work I think it will look great! and the biggest plus is being able to just throw Dean outside and not having to worry about him running off :) currently Charlie's crib is in the front room where our table will go, it's too big to fit through the doorway without being taken apart. Right now her room is the catch all for laundry and other junk we need to go through and put away.

I found the cutest saying for her room and I can't wait to get it!!! "Butterfly kisses and Ladybug hugs sleep tight my little one like a bug in a rug"

Yesterday was Charlie's blessing. It went perfectly!!! She was happy when she woke up, was great on the car ride to the church, let me put her in a huge frilly dress, and was amazingly calm when they gave her the blessing! It was a great day!!! a good amount of family was there and were able to participate in the

blessing, My Uncles Gene and Dee, Cousin Mathew, Taylor's Uncle and My dad, and one of my favorite parts!!! My high school Det. was there and was able to participate as well! Det. Randall was a huge part of my high school life and I've been very blessed to have kept him in my life. It was so great to see him!!! I only got a few pics of Charlie at the blessing since it was so hot we got her out of her dress pretty quickly. I'm gonna have to put her in it again to get more pics! It was

so great to see good friends and family that came to support us and her. :) Thank you all who came!!!

Me. Torrie, Det. Randall and Kirstin

Charlie bug and her daddy

Charlie and Grandpa

too long

2011-05-07T18:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't written for WAY too long. I've been having too much fun playing with Char bug that I don't really have time to write a whole bunch. Being a mom to this little girl is the greatest thing I've ever done. She's amazing! She smiles all the time, she's started "talking" to me all the time! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the sound of her voice! watching her grow is what my life was meant to be.
She's almost 12 weeks old... 12 weeks! where did the time go? as she gets older and more loving I just know that I have the sweetest little girl.

Lots of changes coming our way. Our lease is up the end of this month and well... we don't really know just yet where we are going. We know we don't want to stay here... and can't since we turned in our papers. We need to get this figured out asap!

2011-04-22T00:29:00.000-07:00

how do you love a bug? by kissing her silly, of course!

7 weeks

2011-04-06T21:50:00.001-07:00

I've been slacking. I've just been enjoying being a mommy that I didn't have the time to sit and put into words how much I love this little girl!

She makes everyday amazing!

I've been co-sleeping with her, Dean and Taylor are on the couch. Dean needs to learn not to get on the bed anymore so this has been the best solution for now. I love falling asleep nuzzling her

neck and love even more waking up to her nuzzling mine. She is the sweetest baby, when she's in a good mood. She's had a rough few days here and there but I think she's going through a growth spurt. She was so upset the other night, she had soaked the neck of her jammies from

eating so I had stripped her down and just laid her on my chest to keep warm. She snuggled right up to me and fell asleep. We cuddled all night :) I mainly didn't want to wake her to get her dressed. After she calms down from being upset she nuzzles her face into mine and just stares into my eyes. It's like she's saying thank you for making everything ok. It gets so rough sometimes, I just wish I knew what was wrong to make it right.

She giggled out loud the other night. She was again sound asleep on me and she usually does a

silent laugh but this one was the sweetest thing I've ever heard!!! I cried. Every little thing she does that is new, I cry over. I real smile not in her sleep? I cry. A little coo? I cry. I just love her so much!!! I hope she knows that and knows I will do anything for her. She's my world and I

wouldn't change it.

My little bug.

3 Weeks

2011-03-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

My baby is 3 weeks today... On one hand it feels like there is no way it's already been 3 weeks! Then on the other it feels like she's been here so much longer! She's getting pretty good at sleeping through the night and only waking to be fed and changed. She's generally happy except when she's messy or hungry. She's such a sweet snuggle bug! I hope that as she gets older she will still like to snuggle with me. I absolutely love it!!!

How Charlie got here...

2011-03-02T15:55:00.000-08:00

Well, Monday we went to L&D because I thought for sure she was coming. I had what I thought were horrible contractions. We got there and nothing more happened. I had my normal Tuesday appt where my Dr indicated that my induction was set for the following Wednesday :(

Wednesday I started having mild contractions in the morning, nothing too bad. I had been mildly spotting since Monday but it was pale pink. I w

as exhausted so I went to take a nap. I was woken up with some really REALLY bad contractions! I had one where I swear I felt my hips separate! I got up and told Taylor that I was hurting pretty bad. I went to the bathroom and noticed my spotting had turned to bleeding, still mild. Common I assumed with the contractions I was having. Taylor was running me a bath while I called the Dr just to make sure I didn't need to go in. The Dr on call said she wanted me to check back in in a few hours but to relax in the bath. I was standing in the bath tub getting ready to sit down, talking to Taylor in the hallway when suddenly whoosh! gush of blood came and was running down my legs. I looked at Taylor and just said "time to go!" He started panicking running trying to get everything ready. I just kept saying relax!! Everything is packed and ready to go! I was squatting in the tub rinsing off and kept telling him "see, it's not that bad." the

re was very little blood in the tub. He looked at me confused and said "look behind you." Oh! the tub was full of blood! lovely! We got in the car and headed to the U. I thought for sure I was going to die from the contractions!! We got there and got checked in to the L&D ER area, have to go there first to make sure we are actually in labor first. They checked me and said I was at a 4 and fully effaced. We weren't leaving without a baby! By this point I was dying! My contractions were hurting so badly!!! They got us admitted and got me my epidural. SOOOO ni

ce! I thought for sure i was going to freak out at the epidural and it was the easiest thing ever! After that I was watching the monitor and started having some very strong contractions. I was so glad I couldn't feel them anymore. The Dr on call came in a little bit later and broke my water and they started me on pitocin. After a while they weren't seeing the peaking of Charlie's heartbeat that they wanted to see. They put me on oxygen and had me roll on my side. They also connected a monitor straight to her head to keep a better track of her heart rate. The nurse hadn't left the room for 30 seconds when all of a sudden her heart rate dropped so low. So low that I knew the Dr would be in the room in a matter of seconds! Sure enough about 4 nurses/Dr were in the room very quickly. They did some stimulating of her scalp to see if that would make her perk up. It did a little but

the Dr wasn't satisfied. She informed us it was time for a C-section. I was so sad that we had to take this route. I wanted her here on her time now that we had begun. They started getting everything ready and threw Taylor some scrubs to wear. I was crying, frustrated and scared. It wasn't an emergency C-section but it was rushed. They wheeled me into the room and had to move me to the operating table which was weird.. never had a surgery before so feeling helpless was odd. The drugs had completely knocked out my body from the ribs down. I could feel a lot of pressure but no pain. I was shaking uncontrollably from the drugs. The anesthesiologist assured me it was normal and gave me something to stop the shaking. Finally the Dr said ok here we go and I suddenly felt this weird emptiness, like I was a balloon that had been deflated. She wasn't crying at first and I kept looking at Taylor asking what was going on!!! The anesthesiologist

assured me again that she was moving around and doing well just not crying yet. Once she let out a cry Taylor and I both started bawling! My life changed in that second. They brought her over so I could see her after they had cleaned her up a little bit. She was absolutely beautiful!!! I wanted to hold her right then but couldn't :( They took her and Taylor to the nursery while they got me put back together. It was the most uncomfortable 20 minutes or so of my life. Laying on my back not able to move having this weird feeling going on was awful! Finally they got me to my room again and brought her in. Again, Beautiful! Taylor and I got to be alone with her and get her fed. Jaime and my dad were both there so they came

in for a little bit and got to see her.

The pain from this C-section has been horrendous. Getting up to move hurt like hell! I was so glad the nurses where there to help with everything. Charlie stayed with me in the room pretty much all the time. She went to the nursery maybe a total of 6 hours in the 5 days we were there. I just couldn't put her down! Over the days we were there she lost a bit of weight but was able to gain enough back before we left that the pediatricians were happy with it.

I've never been so in love. She's absolutely amazing! I love you Charlie bug!!!

Just really quick... She's HERE!!!

2011-02-18T23:20:00.000-08:00

Charlie is here!!! She was born by unexpected C-Section 2/16/11 10:46 PM 6lbs 7oz & 19.2 inches long! I am SO in love!!!!

Induction set

2011-02-15T21:08:00.000-08:00

Well we were in L&D again Monday. I thought for sure she was coming. I counted contractions for 2 hours before I woke Taylor up at 6:30 and said we needed to go. I contracted the entire way there and wouldn't you know it, as soon as we get hooked up to the monitors... NOTHING! They checked and I was still at 1 cm but 60-70% effaced. I've been spotting since and in constant worsening pain.

At my appt today they said I'm still the same. I don't know how that's possible with the contractions I've been having. They gave me my induction date of the 23rd. 5 days past my due date :( I'm so not happy about that. I think/hope she comes before. This pain needs to be over.

I'm to the point where if someone says something dumb to me I'm going to snap!!! If one more person mentions having sex to get Charlie here I'm going to scream!!! I AM IN PAIN!! Let's scar my husband for life by me crying through sex from pain... cause that's worth it!!! good hell people... That and telling me to go running... Pain and running doesn't sound like fun to me! I nearly snapped at people at the hospital yesterday morning and today. Yesterday, while contracting, we had 2 people jump into the elevator as the doors were closing. I told Taylor when we got off that if one more person had jumped in I was gonna yell at them! Then today while trying to get off the elevator there was like 6 people trying to walk on! How about you let the people off before you trying getting in eh? Not to mention that I had to squeeze through them to get into the freaking hall.

I'm so frustrated that everything is really starting to piss me off. I've been holding back for so long I'm afraid I'm gonna SNAP!

Brookie's Baby

2011-02-15T21:05:00.000-08:00

Brooke had her beautiful baby Saturday afternoon! After a long 34 hour delivery gorgeous Morgan Mae Patterson was born at 12:14 PM 7lbs 10oz and 19 inches long. Congratulations Brooke and Steve!!! I can't wait for Charlie to get here so they can be fast friends! :)

Dilated?

2011-02-03T11:20:00.000-08:00

So our last appt on Tuesday I was hoping and hoping for a little bit of progress! Well the nurse had said that with what I was feeling I should be something. And that if I was far enough to have the Dr strip my membranes. Sounds so lovely doesn't it? Well the midwife came in and was talking to me and I had mentioned stripping and she said that it could either be the thing that pushes me over the edge and sends me into labor or I could just be really uncomfortable for another week. I looked at her and said I don't move all day from pain, I doubt this will make any difference. I had also told them times before that Charlie gets herself into some weird positions and that If i didn't know better she was doing cartwheels! They said it was all normal. I wanted them to see what I was talking about but of course she was never in that weird spot when they looked. Well this time the midwife has me lay back and sure enough, She's all weird in there. The nurse looked at me and goes does she do this a lot? I said YES! all the time! The midwife (she was newer) said she wanted to bring in another opinion just to make sure Charlie was indeed head down and just being weird. The other Midwife came in and confirmed she was just being weird. :) I was glad they were finally able to see what I've been dealing with! to try and explain how she's laying is put your hand up near your ribs on the right side and you'd feel her shoving her feet there, at the same time put your hand near your waist on the left side and that bump is her butt, oh and she's having a rock star head moment on the bladder all at the same time! I have a feeling she's gonna be a long little one. So after that they checked her heart and she had the hiccups :) it was cute to hear it on the doppler. Then they check for dilation. I was at 1 cm and 50% effaced! Thank you for some progress! Although if I would have been at a 2 I could have been stripped. SO CLOSE!!! Maybe next Tuesday there will be more!

Lately she's been kicking and holding it, instead of a swift kick. I'm just waiting for the time she does that and my water breaks. It feels like she's gonna bust through each time.

I've been contracting more since Tuesday but nothing time able :( It wakes me up some times at night. I'm about to start trying every old wives tale there is... except Castor Oil. YUCKO!

I've been getting extremely irritated with people. I don't want to be, and I try to realize they are just offering help and advice but I can't help that it annoys me. I haven't lashed out at one, yet. But I fear if Charlie doesn't get here soon it's only a matter of time. Although, I'm sure after she's here I'll get more advice about post partum. ARGH!

Come on Charlie!!!!

Abbreviation trip

2011-01-23T13:02:00.000-08:00

Well our trip this time wasn't to the ER but to L&D.

Yesterday morning at around 3:30 AM I was woken up with excruciating pain in my right pelvic area that shot up to my ribs. I almost screamed from the pain it was that bad! I held still until the pain went away and tried to go back to sleep. yeah, right! I was woken up again by the pain about an hour later. after the 3rd time of trying to go back to sleep I moved to the couch to watch TV and hope that I could fall asleep. I was sitting up and drifting to sleep so I started to lay down and the pain hit again! This time I almost passed out from holding my breath. I sat back up and got on the computer and held very very still. I started getting really light headed and felt very nauseated. I was going to try and take one of my Zofrans but was afraid to move and cause pain. Around 10:30 after a lot of advice to call my Dr, I called. I left a message with the Dr on call and she called me back almost instantly! She recommended we come in just to make sure everything was ok. We got there and they hooked me up to a monitor to track her heart beats and my contractions. Wouldn't you know that other than getting out of the car I didn't feel the pain the entire time we were there! ARGH! I laid on my back and was SO uncomfortable!!! but her heartbeat was fine and I had had a few mild contractions but nothing extreme. After about an hour they sent us home and said they think it could be more ligament pain. :( I had ligament pain around 22 weeksish and this was like the 3 days of ligament pain combined into 20-30 seconds of shooting pain. This also started a lot lower, nether regions, and came all the way to my ribs. The day before I had also felt 2 contractions up high that hurt like hell. But other than me being in pain, the usual, everything else was ok. The nurse gave me a belly band to help try and "hold everything in" so the ligaments weren't so loose. We came home and I sat on the couch and drifted off to sleep for about 30 min was all. Bed time I tried to lay down and almost died! The pain happens when I lay down!!! and mainly on my left side which is better for Charlie. Can't I get a break anywhere?! I tried laying on my right side and it hurt but not nearly as bad. Turning over is such a task... I get winded from holding my breath trying to move ever so slowly so I don't cause more pain.

I have another appt on Tuesday with my Dr's nurse midwife since he will be out of town. Not worried about that since I've met with her before.

The back pain this week has been killer as well! I've had back pain before but this is nuts! I don't even more and it hurts... and it's not just a "oh that hurt" it's an almost "drop you to the floor in pain" pain.

Again, I'm very glad she's still doing wonderful and growing but I'm very ready for her to be here and to be out of this constant pain!

nothing.. nada.. zilch... zero!!!

2011-01-18T17:38:00.000-08:00

I was really hoping at our appointment today that there would be some progress to Charlie getting here! My hips have been killing me, and my back is aching so badly!!! I can't sleep, and I'm constantly in pain! I thought maybe all this pain meant that there was some dilating happening and we were getting close. NOPE! They checked my cervix and I'm not dilated at all!!! :( I know that keeping her in there as long as possible is the best, and that I shouldn't complain since it's so good that we've come this far... but it's hard to when I hurt like this! My Dr said with my condition that I was going to have more discomfort than what's usual but UGH... This sucks! :(

I can't wait for her to be here!!! her laundry is all done and everything is set and ready to go!!! I just need her to finish it all off :)

Jaime and Erica threw me a shower on Saturday and it was great! It was an open house so people could come and go as they pleased and I think it worked out great! We got some really great stuff for Charlie! Jaime made the cutest name blocks for her! I have it all set up for her :) Everyone has been so extremely generous to us and I appreciate it oh so much!!! It has been so great over the course of the showers to see all the friends and family I haven't seen in a while!

100th post! and 34 weeks!

2011-01-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

40 days to go... 40! and that's if we go ALL the way! I'm honestly hoping for the end of January. I'd be happy with that. She'll be 37 weeks by then so she should be pretty much done cooking :)

My aunt MarDee and pretty much aunt Connie threw me a shower yesterday and it was amazing! I got to see a lot of the people I only generally get to see around Rodeo time and a few of my friends and family members. It turned out really REALLY good! Charlie is sure gonna be spoiled!!!! She's currently taking up more closet space than me and Taylor combined lol

I can't wait for her to get here and get to put on all these clothes! and then I can put what ever it is that I'm gonna need for her on a daily basis all put together and such.

She got 2 cute lady bugs to go in her crib, some adorable little Nike shoes, tons of clothes, amazing homemade blankets, and lots of goodies to last her at least a while :)

32 weeks!

2010-12-24T22:57:00.001-08:00

And for lack of a better comparison I feel like Bella Swan with little Renesmee trying to rip out of me! every once in a while her kicks and punches feel like she's gonna bust right through! or she gets so low in my pelvic that it feel like she's gonna drop right out. lol

Update, results and growth

2010-12-21T19:54:00.000-08:00

So we had our appointment today and it went GREAT! Charlie is right on track for growth!!! So awesome since before she was measuring a little small. They said my placenta is still large and odd but other than that she's great! She's weighing in at 3lbs 11 oz. We got to see a 3d scan of her, which I use to think was creepy! but when it's your own its not nearly as bad! :) We got to see the cord on the scan which was weird but cool. After we had our US apt. I took a tour of the Postpartum area which is really nice. Less stress seeing where I'll be. I met again with a different Dr since mine had to rush off to do an emergency C section. I was able to get my glucose test results. I was at 104 and at 140 is where you'd have to do the second round of testing so I was very happy to hear that! They also gave me my iron levels which were good as well. I got some Ambien to see if that will help me sleep better. I sure hope it does! I'm exhausted!!! We were also able to finally get the crib home from my dad's office where it has been hanging out. I can't wait to put it together!!!

here are the newest US pics and one of the 3d shots :)

The little bubble like thing you see near her face is the cord.

30 weeks tomorrow.

2010-12-09T13:25:00.000-08:00

Seriously?! 30 weeks!? AH!

After all the scares and complications we went through early on it's so nice to be this far! To think that at 20 weeks the Dr was talking about if we needed to get her out 23 weeks or later would be the best. We've passed 23 weeks up long ago!!! :)

My last appointment went well. I asked the Dr if the weird, almost spasms I was feeling were normal. He said yep! Sometimes they just like to freak out for a second. I also did my glucose test which actually didn't end up being as bad as I thought, until I got home. The drink was just like fruit punch, pretty good actually. The blood being drawn wasn't nearly as bad either. I think the older I get and the more it is done correctly it's calming my fear. The only problem I had was that I was so nervous I was going to "fail" the test that I ate breakfast but didn't eat lunch. I couldn't eat the hour I was waiting so by the time I ate I was on a sugar rush starving stomach. :( I ate when I got home and ended up falling asleep. I felt like crap! I eventually got a really bad migraine, which if you know me you know how bad I get them. Taylor had gotten us dinner and about 20 min later I was throwing up :(
I also mentioned to the Dr about my lack of sleep. I can usually fall asleep pretty quickly but staying asleep is a thing of the past. I wake up every 30-45 min and am up for another 30-45 min before I can get back to sleep. He said he could give me some meds to help or I could try doing a no TV about an hour before bed to help ,y mind relax. The past 2 nights i haven't fallen asleep to the TV, which is huge, and it's helped a bit. I still wake up but it's about every 2 hours or so. Usually at 6 AM I am moving to the couch because my hip is killing me. I don't know why the couch helps, but it does. And then the sleep talking/mumbling begins. I don't know if it's the pregnancy or my mind just not getting enough rest that I have begun talking so much. I know I would do it every once in a while, but this is every night now. I get mumbling (never anything decipherable) so loudly that I wake myself up. Good thing I'm on the couch so I don't wake Taylor up :) I get an U/S at my next appointment on the 21st! I'm excited to see how big she's gotten. We haven't had one since Oct 23rd, so it'll be about 2 months since we've seen her.

First shower is this weekend. It's the family shower :) I'm hoping to see some family I haven't seen in a while!!! My Aunt Christine couldn't come, they live in WA, but she still ordered me something. It got delivered yesterday and I was SOOOO EXCITED!!! She got us our Travel Set!!! It's beautiful!!! So generous of them to get us this gift!!! I don't know that I'll ever be able to thank them enough!!! Finally Taylor is getting into the excited mode :) I was just going to take it out of the box so i could see it and he ended up building the stroller :) We went through the manual and figured out all the little gadgets and functions. It was so cute!!! I have it sitting in the front room and I just can't wait to put her in it!!! not only do I know that she'll be safe in it, she's going to be so cute!!! Thank you so much Aunt Christine and Uncle Chris!!!!!

Taylor started reading a book last night called The Baby Bonding Book For Dads. It was cute to hear him "humph" while reading and be like "I didn't know that." I think he was able to get a bit of insight on what to expect. I think he's going to be such a great dad. I'm glad he's finally showing his excitement!

28 weeks!

2010-11-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

I love that we're getting so close!!! I am now meeting with the Dr every other week. which can either make things feel like it's getting closer faster or slower. Having to drive all the way to the U isn't the funnest thing. But i know we are in the best place we can be to deliver.

Jaime came with me to my appt on Tuesday which was so nice! We got to take a tour of the labor and delivery area and thank goodness Jaime was there! She was able to ask questions I wouldn't have even thought about. Next time I have to do my glucose test which I'm so not looking forward to. I hate having my blood drawn!!! And I have to stick around for a while. :( I'm hoping all goes well with the test mainly so I don't have to do the 3 hour test!

I had to ask Jaime and the Dr exactly what a Braxton hicks feels like. Then I realized I had had a few. Nothing major. I had a pretty intense one last night while stuck in traffic but nothing followed it so i wasn't worried.

Last week was Brooke's baby shower which was a lot of fun! It was so fun to see all the gifts that she got for Morgan! I can't wait for these crazy girls to get here!!!

I had my first dream last night about Charlie :) The dream was that she was just born, born 9 weeks early but was full grown??? it was weird. But i was holding her and she was so damn cute!!! I cant wait for her to get here!!!!

Her kicks have been getting stronger and stronger. Keeps me up most nights but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I wonder what in the world she is doing in there that she's kicking that much.

I can't for my shower to get here! Jaime is throwing, what I think is going to be an amazing shower!!! HELLO Chocolate fountain! how can you go wrong??? LOL My Aunt and friend Connie are also having one, which is so nice that some friends I wouldn't have normally invited can come and others who can't come to Jaime's can come too. Than Taylor's mom is having a family one as well. I told him not to bother her with it since I was already having 2 but, he did anyways.

so tired

2010-11-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

I never thought I could be this tired. I didn't sleep great last night but I felt like I had gotten enough. I sat on the couch and felt exhausted so I laid down and ended up napping for 3 hours. and I'm still exhausted. Like exhausted to the point that my eyes refuse to stay open! I can feel my eyelids getting so heavy. If this means Charlie is using my energy to grow big and strong, take it! :) Anything to make my baby girl stronger. I can't wait for our next appointment on the 23rd. I can't believe it's getting so close!!!

Last night my dad, Aunt Cindy and Uncle Gene went and saw The Wizard of Oz done by the Symphony. Very cool! They played the movie while the symphony did all the music. I did fall asleep but only with about 10 min left of the show. It didn't start till 8 so it was already pretty late for me. We had great seats! Thanks again, Dad!

kick kick kick

2010-11-09T13:50:00.000-08:00

My goodness! Charlie was kicking so much last night! A few swift kicks and I thought she was gonna come busting out! LOL it kept me from sleeping but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

On Sunday Taylor and I decided to go have some fun. We went to IHOP to try out their banana bread french toast (for me) and pumpkin praline pancakes (for him.) Then we went and saw Due Date. I asked Taylor if he felt like going to do some baby registering, not thinking he'd say ok. He said sure so we headed to Babies R Us. He ended up having a lot of fun with that scanner gun. He was registering for all the "I <3 Daddy" stuff. It was so so cute! After we were done there we went to Burlington's Baby Depot to register there as well. I have only been in there briefly to get a body pillow and I refuse to go back there. It was entirely disappointing. The selection was limited, the staff was not friendly in the slightest, and registering was a pain. After we got there we had to wait for an employee to get us a scanner. While walking through BABY aisles I walked over a freaking razor blade! In the middle of the aisle! WTF?! I wasn't happy with the items they had at all. After we were done we called for assistance to give the scanner back and no one came so we just left. Thank goodness Brooke is also registered at Target because I don't go back there. :(

I will admit that most of the items at Babies R Us did seem pricier. But there were also a better quality. I liked the items Brooke got registered for at Target so I'm also going to register there. :)

Here's our registry if anyone care to take a gander :) http://www.toysrus.com/registry/link/index.jsp?overrideStore=TRUS&registryNumber=46171613

Latest appointment

2010-10-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

My latest appointment went really well. I had been in a lot of pain lately due to round ligament pain. If you haven't experienced this start praying now that you don't! Most women get it when they sneeze or cough so it only lasts a few seconds. Mine, of course it would be more, lasted from Thursday to Saturday to where I couldn't move without wanting to die, or feeling like I was dying. It's still with me just not nearly as bad. Mainly when i sit down or try to get up from sitting down.
I was hoping the Dr would be able to help with the pain. Maybe tell me how to help relieve it or something... but no. Rest and Tylenol.

Other than that he said Charlie is looking good! there is still some debris in the fluid surrounding her but nothing to worry about right now. Her brain, kidneys and bladder looked great! Since we're doing so good this appointment our next one isn't for 4 weeks :( I had kind of liked having a 3 week appointment. But he said after that appointment we start going a lot more. That means its getting close!!!!!!

I have such mixed feelings about giving birth. I want to keep her inside where I can keep her safe and warm. But I really can't wait to hold her and see her!

We got some cute U/S pics that I need to get scanned and put up. The pics I take with my phone from the U/S never look as good.

Half way?

2010-10-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

I figured that I won't consider myself half way there until I hit about 24 weeks. Since I didn't even know for the first 5-6 weeks it doesn't feel half way there.

Last night me and my fellow pregger friends Brooke and Nizel went to dinner. I was craving Olive Garden salad and luckily the others said they were fine with going there as well :) It was so nice to be around other ladies that feel somewhat the same as I do. I do feel though that I'm not showing as much as those 2 are. They are at the point where you can tell they are preggo and not fat. Hopefully that will save those 2 from stretch marks. they are slowly and steady growing. I still feel on the verge of looking like I ate too much lol. I'm worried that all my growth will happen all at once! and Stretch markville here I come. :(

I can't wait to go to and have a shower for friends and myself. I went to my friend Amanda's shower the other day and the little clothes are soooo cute!!! I tried to be good and only bought 2 things for Charlie. I can't wait to see all the cute things all my friends get!!!

Dr Update

2010-10-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

So when we had our appointment on Tuesday the Ultrasound tech was so nice and much more talkative. They said my placenta is still looking weird, but in the 3 weeks in between appointments Charlie had a good 3 weeks of growth. So that was good! They said her brain looks good. She had a full bladder which means insides are working :)

The Dr said he's cautiously optimistic. He said everything is looking good, but didn't want to say I'm in the clear yet. He said he still didn't know exactly what was going on with me but the 3 weeks of growth is good. I also got the flu shot while I was there which has left my arm sore :( but hopefully no flu this season :)

I like that our appointments have been moved to every 3 weeks. I know it was only a week, but 4 weeks seemed to take FOREVER!

I'm so glad we finally know what we're having!!!! I read a bunch of things before my appointment to see what I could eat or drink to get her to move more. I had tried OJ last time but I think since I drink it all day everyday she's use to it by now. I read drinking something cold before would "irritate" the baby into moving around more. Well when we'd go to the Dr since we're at the U I got a treat of a Starbucks Frap when we left (it's on the main floor and walking past it and not getting anything was just cruel.) This time I decided I'd get it before. Well it certainly did the trick. The first thing the nurse said was "baby sure is a wiggle worm!" The last time she literally only kicked her feet a little. This time getting to see her dancing around was so much fun. She was moving her hands and arms around, opening and closing her mouth (nurse said she was drinking the fluid, which was good.)

It's so crazy to think that just by knowing that she's a girl my heart has grown! I loved this baby before I knew but now? I love her even more!

I also found out today that my Short Term Disability is completely approved! Thank goodness! Once we start getting a check I'll be able to feel a little less guilty about Taylor working his ass off all day every day.

ribbons and bows

2010-10-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

Well the news is in and we're having a girl!!! Charlie is her name... it's so nice to be able to refer to her with a name or she/her. I really didn't think that after so many of my friends just had or are having girls that there was a chance we too would be having a girl. I'm so happy though!!!

Countdown

2010-09-30T11:12:00.000-07:00

I've begun my countdown to Tuesday. My next appointment is at 3:15 PM. I'm anxiously waiting and hoping for good/better news than we've been getting. I'm hoping last appointment was just something weird with the ultrasound and this one will be so much better! AND we should hopefully be able to get the gender this time too!!! If we don't I'm gonna go crazy not knowing!!!

Dr. Appointment

2010-09-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

Well we had an appointment yesterday and we were really hoping to find out the gender. Well we didn't. The little shits legs were too close together to tell.

The ultra sound tech said that we were measuring weirdly and that I still had the bleed. She took our ultrasounds to a doctor for more info. After we waiting 2 hours!!!!! the Dr. came in and first thing he says is "the Placenta looks weird." oh ok... He said the baby is measuring smaller than he would like, but not by much. My placenta looks weird and it's not working as well as it should they said it could be due to the bleed and separation I had earlier but we just have to watch it for now. They checked the blood flow to the baby and that was good. Also the heartbeat was good. Right now there isn't a whole lot they can do. We just have to hope and pray that we go full term or at least as close as possible to where the baby can survive outside of me. He mentioned that there was still a chance that if the placenta doesn't work right, I could lose the baby. That's devastating at this point to even hear that, let alone think about it. Taylor asked with these troubles we are having what the odds were of it happening again. The Dr. said its like getting hit by lightening. VERY rare that it would happen again.

So for now I just sit and hope that all goes well. Now every little pain I feel makes me panic. I don't like living in fear... but if it keeps my baby with me I will fear each second.

Stuff shopping

2010-09-13T07:39:00.001-07:00

So I had been looking here and there at cribs but nothing to extensive. I knew I wanted one of these convertible ones that goes to a toddler bed then a twin/full size bed. I was looking at places online that I could go and look at them in person. USA Baby, Burlington Coat Factory, and Target. I found a few i thought could be cute so I saved the pics so I knew what to look for. Last stop, Target's website. Scrolling and scrolling nothing was really standing out. There was one that was cute so i clicked to get more info. i was skimming through the pics and one shot they had of it I knew it had to be mine! It was a combination of the color of the wood, and the styles for the changes that it offered. Some of the other cribs when they turned into an adult bed looked ridiculous! This one was amazing!!!!! I sent the pic to Taylor and wrote "please say you like this." His response, "yeah it's cute." ok fine he doesn't care. :) So I start looking as to when I can order this, the baby stuff was all on sale so I was seeing if we needed to order it or could go pick it up. Sale ends that night. Taylor got home and I asked if I could please order it since the sale was going to end. He was fine with that so I ordered the crib and mattress :) I can't wait for it to get here!!!!
Sunday morning we went to Taylor's sister's (Nicole) house for breakfast. I HATE bacon. If I hate it then why when they started cooking it did it smell sooo amazing??? argh... I ate at least 5 pieces. She also made Strawberry pancakes. She got the recipe from Rachel Ray's app. They were soooo good! I wouldn't have ever thought about putting strawberries IN pancakes. YUM! Thanks Nicole! they were delicious!!!

I did it!

2010-09-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

I took the leap and got married! We had a great weekend in Vegas! My feet hurt so bad from walking around all day so I was in bed by about 7 each night. Taylor got to go play without me bugging him which I think he appreciated. It also gave him time to hang out with my brothers. Its so weird and nice to see how close they've gotten in this short time. They've completely accepted him and seem to really enjoy him being around.
Saturday was the ceremony and I was up at about 7 AM :( so I started off with a Caramel Frappacino from Starbucks. I was struggling big time walking past it all the time and not getting any coffee. So i checked online, since I have been limiting my caffeine intake, and If I had a frap that was about all the caffeine I could allow myself. It was soooo worth it!!! I never realized how much I absolutely love coffee until I can't have it. It helped me make it through the day for sure. I got my hair, makeup and a pedicure done at the hotel's salon. I loved it all. I looked at the bill they sent to the chapel and it was $275!!!! I loved it but there was no way on my own I would have paid that!!! The ceremony was great! I was so nervous and anxious that I barely smiled in the video... As I was walking down the aisle I looked at Taylor and he had started tearing up. I looked and it him and said "don't." If he was tearing up I was gonna end up bawling!!! We took a ton of pictures after. I then went and passed out in the room from exhaustion. Taylor went out to play with my brothers and my dad. I liked that he felt comfortable to go do that.

I made it!!!

2010-08-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

Oh finally!!! Second trimester!!! I welcome you with open arms! please welcome me back with the following: Please allow me to sleep, I'm only asking for a few hours of good sleep, less nausea, the constant having to pee feeling can lessen now, can my boobs please stop growing??? and can the pain stop?

I hope that the second trimester goes a hell of a lot easier than the first.

oh did I happen to mention that I'm getting married on Saturday??? oh just a little detail I may have missed :) I'm really hoping things go well while we are there. I've been in the ER or to the doctors once a week since my first incident and now being far away from home makes me worry. I've got my fingers crossed that everything will be fine. :) Other than that I'm extremely excited for this change in my life!

ER, again

2010-08-16T07:45:00.001-07:00

I'm getting really sick of the ER. :(
I woke up not feeling to great yesterday. Had some pains in my lower pelvic area. I thought maybe it was the clot trying to pass? maybe since I went to dinner and a movie with my dad and actually wore jeans (I've been in pajama pants for over a week) that maybe they rubbed or put pressure on that area making it sore? I had no idea.
Taylor and I took Dean to get cleaned in the morning and I was feeling icky but ok. As we were leaving with him it was bad enough for me to say ER time. The pain was so intense I was almost in tears at times, which is bad... I have a very high tolerance for pain.
While in the ER they gave me Zofran which I'm not sure why when I told them I had taken one maybe 4 hours prior??? Ultrasound went well. Baby was flipping and moving around. They didn't have my previous ultrasound to compare to but from what I had seen and could see while they were checking was that the hemorrhage was bigger. We still have an appointment with a high risk Dr on Tuesday so I'm hoping he'll be able to look at my stuff then and tell us what's really going on.
They gave me some Lortabs and sent us home. I don't do prescription pain pills unless absolutely necessary. OH it was necessary! The pain was so bad! About 9 last night it was so intense I made Taylor run to the 24 hour pharmacy to get the prescription filled.

Why is my pregnancy going to difficulty?? I'm so worn out... all the time... I can't go anywhere or do anything...

I finally broke down crying the other night to Taylor. He had just gotten home and was heading out 15 min later to his bach party. I got so frustrated that he could just leave and I was stranded :( I know it's not his fault that I'm stuck... well... not entirely :) But I was just so bored and alone that I cried.
You think, oh bed rest would be nice! i need a Dr. to tell me to stay home and in bed! NO you don't! you want something until you HAVE to do it. It sucks!!!

BUT if this is what I need to do to keep my baby safe and healthy... damn it... I'll do it.

Dr. appointment

2010-08-10T11:17:00.001-07:00

Well the Dr. said everything looks good! I had a bleed that has turned into a clot that is still sitting above my uterus. I may still bleed but unless it's red I'm ok. If I get more red it'll be back to the ER for me. Baby is strong and doing really well he said. We got a bunch of pics which is nice. it's nice to see updated pics :) It's so crazy to see how big the baby is getting! I'm on partial bed rest until Monday. The Dr. said I can do things around the house but not to go out shopping or anything...

bed rest... bah!

2010-08-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well Friday afternoon i was standing at work and had a strange sensation that i had started my period... weird. I went to the bathroom to find a lot of blood. i freaked and ran out to my boss and told him I was bleeding and had to leave! I had a few coworker friends that saw me starting to cry and rushed over to see what was going on. I told them I was bleeding and didn't know why. I threw one my phone and had her call Taylor to come get me. We were in the elevator going down and I got the rush again. I went to the bathroom while they went outside to wait for Taylor. I was hysterical when he got there. My friends told Taylor to DRIVE! and he did. We got to the ER and got checked in. It seemed like it took forever for a Nurse or Dr. to get there. Once the nurse came in they took some blood and started and IV of fluids. They had to get some urine without blood so I got a catheter as well... ugh. Then the nurse did a Doppler heart beat thing to see if we could get a heart beat. She warned us that there have been many times that she wasn't able to get a heart beat with the Doppler so not to panic. Well the second she put it on me we got the heart beat. Taylor and I started bawling. Expecting the complete worse it was such a relief to hear the heart beat. She warned us again that this didn't mean everything was ok. We understood but were just so happy to hear the heart nothing else mattered. Then they wheel chaired me to get the ultrasound. Everything with the baby looked ok. Little was swimming and had gotten a lot bigger then we had last seen! it was crazy how much more developed it was. The nurse did a bunch of clicking and typing on the computer then we were wheeled back to our room and waited for the Dr. He came in and informed us that the baby was ok. That i had a subchorianic hemorrhage. This means the placenta had separated slightly from the uterine wall and caused the bleeding. I had a chance that I could carry full term and not have anymore problems or I could miscarry. I was placed on bed rest until I see my Dr. and told to only get up to go to the bathroom or to eat. Taylor seems to have forgotten the eating part... he won't let me out of bed for anything! So here I sit on Monday, bored out of my mind. You think before being placed on bed rest that being told to stay in bed would be great! not when you're forced to stay there... not so much fun. I have an appointment Tomorrow with my Dr. and then next Tuesday with a high risk doctor. For now we hope and pray that everything is ok and we will carry full term without any problems.

I have some amazing friends who truly care about me. I've had an overwhelming amount of texts each day making sure we are ok. Brooke came and babysat me on Saturday, bringing some Cherry Garcia while Taylor ran an errand. Jaime came and babysat me as well on Sunday also bringing Cherry Garcia! I could NEVER have too much Cherry Garcia in my freezer. Just the fact of opening the freezer (when Taylor would let me get up) and seeing 2 in there made me so happy! :) It was so nice to have some company for a little bit. Taylor's mom, Ann and sister, Jessica brought us dinner last night. These 2 should have a cooking show. Their food is so good! Thank you all ladies for making this a little easier!!!

fear

2010-08-04T08:45:00.001-07:00

I've been hearing and reading a lot about miscarriage. Once I start reading I can't stop... It makes me so sad that people are going through this. I read one where everything was fine at their appointments and then on their next appointment no heartbeat. This makes me terrified that it could happen to me. My next appointment isn't until the 17th and I'm counting down the days and minutes... I need to just hear my little's heart again to know it's ok. I sure hope I'm just scaring myself and everything is ok. I just can't help my mind wandering. :(

I'm so excited to hear what all my friends that are pregnant are having! Torrie finds out today :)

I did a little test called Intelligender. It's like an at home gender test. I thought it'd be fun just to take the test then see if when the doctor tells us if it was right. So for the test's sake we are having a boy!!! Time will tell :)

9 weeks

2010-07-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

I'm 9 weeks today. CRAZY!

I can't tell if I'm making a baby or if a baby is trying to kill me. I've never been so sick. I'm nauseated all the time... I have to eat constantly or it gets worse. This couch has permanent imprint of my butt in it. I'm afraid I may loose my job since I've been out so much. I've tried going some days and I get so sick it's not worth me being there. I don't know what to do. I have one pair of pants that fit me, they are getting tight and yet my maternity pants are too big still.

I can't wait for my first appointment next week! I can't believe I'm going to a doctor to hear a heartbeat... WOW! I'm so excited for this little one to get here and it's just barely begun.

I sleep on average about 8 hours a night. then 1 to 2 more in the afternoon. When I think about it that way I think I sleep a lot.. but then I think about waking up every 15 mins because I can't get comfortable or it's too hot... then it comes down to maybe 4-5 hours total. :(

My friend Brookie and I are a week apart. I love that we get to go through this together :) We haven't been as close as we once were and I'm hoping this might bring us closer again.

I wish I could find out sooner what I was having. I have people wanting to make blankets and such and they want color choices... I don't know! I really wish I did.

Well there's my random thoughts at this moments. Now back to watching the Food Network that helps feed my cravings :)

craving #2

2010-07-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ok so I wake up and what do I want to eat? Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich... but not just and ordinary PBJ. It has to be on the Grandma Sycamore white bread with Adam's natural extra crunchy peanut butter with Pineapple Apricot jam. It's amazingly delicious! and I want it all the time.. If this is how my cravings are going to be and it's already started this is going to get interesting. I need to quit watching the food network too. Everything I see looks SOOOOO good! then it gets in my mind and I have to have it... Damn you Paula Deen, Bobby Flay, Michael Symon, Giada De laurentiis, and The Neely's. Your food looks too good!!!!!

cravings...

2010-06-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

Weird craving #1- Bacon. I hate Bacon... never ever liked bacon... I saw a Wendy's commercial for some bacon cheeseburger and nearly started drooling... It looked sooo good!!

Other than that I haven't noticed anything else weird.

I was so sick yesterday. I went to see Eclipse with my friend LeAnn and thought I was going to puke on everyone in the theatre. Even in my sicken nauseated state the movie was amazing. I only had to close my eyes for maybe 3 minutes to calm my stomach.

it's out!

2010-06-30T14:25:00.000-07:00

Well my father knows and is surprisingly very excited! makes my life easier :)

the reason

2010-06-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

Well I decide to go private because I felt if someone wanted to be added to the list they would actually care and respect my feelings and wishes.

Well Taylor and I found out officially last Friday that we are expecting! I am sooooo excited!!!
I've told my mom and some friends. Taylor has told his family and some friends. I hesitate in telling my father. If you've read my other posts you'll understand why... Pretty much he expects way too much from me being his oldest and only daughter. I'll tell him one day.

For the time being I ask that if you read this please do not post anything on Facebook. At least until I break the news to him lol On here is fine since he doesn't have access.

So there ya go!!! Baby on the way!!!

GOING PRIVATE!!!

2010-06-20T20:47:00.001-07:00

If you wanna be a part of my "secret life" send me an email and I'll add you! mermaidhigh@gmail.com

I'll be going private tomorrow! :)

Alex

2010-04-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Alexander Maxwell Calder 1982 ~ 2010 Our precious Alex, born Nov. 24, 1982, died in an accident April 11, 2010. Survived by parents Larry Calder, and Pamela Averett Calder, brother Chase, wife Ivy, and precious daughter Isabelle (Izzy). Services Sat. April 17, 2010 11 a.m. River View Ward, 4800 S. 1365 W., Taylorsville, followed by a celebration of Alex's life at Sugar House Park 3 p.m. Contributions would be appreciated to help pay expenses.

New year, New start?

2010-01-27T19:24:00.000-08:00

I hate when I get on here and see that my last post was over a month ago. It's sad. I haven't updated my personal in an even longer time. I'm sure it doesn't help that it's at my mom's.

So what's new? honestly not a whole lot. Living in Cottonwood Heights and for the most part loving it. Roomies are always an interesting experience. Can't wait for Taylor, Dean and me to be out on our own.

Dean and Taylor are the best of friends. I think it's so cute that when he has time off he takes Dean with him.

Taylor and I both got new phones the other day. I don't think we've put them down since we got them. :)

I'm excited to see where the new year will take us.

how?

2009-12-06T21:51:00.000-08:00

How do you tell your brother that he's a fucking moron without him hating you and actually realizing it's because you care?

If anyone has read my blog before then you might remember a story about some girls that lived in my mother's basement for a while.(10/20/08) They caused huge issues. AND took my clothes and took pictures in them. Well my brother has decided that he NEEDS to be in a relationship with one of them. The main one that mooched off my mother for WAY too long! She's manipulated him into thinking that he loves her. She's now mooching off of him. She doesn't have a job. She doesn't drive because there's something wrong with her car or her driving record... something. She lives with him and my other brother and doesn't pay rent, doesn't pay anything! He pays for everything. Now I hear that they have papers about what they need to file in order to get married????? FUCK THAT!!! I will not be silent about it. I refuse to let her take my name and defile it. Oh and how sweet... she even says on her Myspace that she "smokes pot everyday." Lovely.

I won't be a part of my brothers life if he brings her into my family. I can't. She will ruin my family more than she already has. I thought he was smarter than this. My other brother has tried talking to him and won't listen. He doesn't realize she's ruining his life.

How do I knock some sense into him? How do I get him to open his eyes and realize she's hurting him? She doesn't love him. She's using him.

you know it's been a while when someone else mentions it.

2009-11-16T20:50:00.000-08:00

It's been far too long! I know! Well let's see... so much happening but with my lovely memory do you actually think I'll remember any of it? ha.

Well I've moved. I moved in with Taylor about 2 weeks ago. It's been heaven! at least for me :) Waking up to him every morning and kissing him good night every night is the best. I love him.

I am no longer a blonde... just as of yesterday. I got bored and had been looking at red hair for a few weeks and decided to take the plunge. So here I sit... with red hair.

I still work the shittiest schedule known to man. I hate working nights! although with Taylor working almost the same hours (not all the same days) it has been nice.

ummm... what else what else... OH! Halloween! it was so much fun! other than I got a migraine at about 9 that I killed for a few hours but came back around 2 am :( I finally dressed up. I NEVER dress up. I was Alice of course. The day was so good and so busy. We went to the ReAL game and then had a party at Taylor's.

Other than my life being on the amazing side... I couldn't ask for more. :) Life is good.

Legos

2009-10-22T19:13:00.001-07:00

My friend Cecil wrote an article about a Lego Sculpture/designer that is coming to Salt Lake. I decided to take a look at the guys Gallery and he has some amazing things!!!

This is my favorite

Check out his site.
http://www.brickartist.com/

2009-10-11T21:32:00.001-07:00

I wake up to this in the morning.... jealous? you should be :)

I love my life

2009-10-04T18:06:00.001-07:00

Every thing is going so well I couldn't be happier! Work is good, for the most part, I have a crazy nutso puppy that's adorable, I have great friends all around, and I have a boy I love and that loves me. I haven't been this happy is such a long time!! You know it's good when my friends even notice how much happier I am.

Onto a mini vaca tomorrow in Wendover! :)

Weekend excitement!

2009-10-01T20:01:00.001-07:00

I can't wait for the weekend to begin!!

Party Friday night with some friends and acquaintances. lol. Going camping with Jaime and friends! I haven't seen you guys in so long! I can't wait to spend time in the woods with Taylor too :)

And Found out earlier Jackie is coming in town so I get to see her Sunday night along with the other girls! YAY! and then... MONDAY! I got Monday off so Taylor and I can go to Wendover! It's just an overnighter but I can't wait! it's been so long since I've had any sort of vaca.

Why I love this boy...

2009-09-28T19:58:00.001-07:00

He dances with his roommate He dances with his Mama
He dances with one of my best friends He dances with Matt He dances with Kay kay

He dances with me

And he dances alone... :)

My Favorite Pic

2009-09-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

OK so there's 2 :)

how time flies

2009-09-24T19:31:00.001-07:00

Well it's been since July... JULY! since I posted... wow I'm slacking!

Where to begin...

I have a boyfriend. He's pretty damn amazing. Makes me smile all the time. He's just what I need... and more. Thanks Taylor!

Other than having fun and hanging out I've just been working away.

Went to the zoo again Sunday. Always have fun there!

Rodeo

2009-07-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

How do you say goodbye to a week of fun?
One tear, is all it took as the trailer pulled away.

I met an amazing person on Sunday afternoon at the E Center. I was there to watch slack and he was there helping his father set up their "camp." He walked over to say "hi" and I couldn't be any happier that he did.

Tuesday night I began to see just how popular he really was. Girls were screaming from the stands and he had a pretty good fan following everywhere he went. Had I seen all this before I never would have been able to meet him. I would have been way too intimidated to even wave.

I couldn't help but smile and giggle just a bit every time he came out on the dirt and heard the girls and the crowd getting loud. I watched in awe every night... "how does he do that?!" I kept questioning.

Thursday night I was watching my friend Kiera's little girl. She had a blast at the rodeo! I took her home so I could come back and hang out. I will never forget the glares from the other girls and I walked into the hospitality room and he walked over to me to talk. If looks could kill... Wow. :) We talked outside while hanging out in the dang spiky weed things. I still continue to find them embedded into my clothing and room.

Every night of the Rodeo got better and better. I don't remember ever having as much fun!

I said goodbye last night as he finished packing up the gear. I handed over my knuckles as a "goodbye/remember me" present.

7 days passed. 7 days I won't be forgetting.

your call

2009-07-24T01:30:00.000-07:00

Thank you for calling. It meant the world to me. :)

Amy's Obituary

2009-07-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

Amy Hocking 1977 ~ 2009 Amy Hocking was born on September 30, 1977, in Salt Lake city, Utah. She died on July 3, 2009, at the age of 31. She was a very pensive and happy child, always observing others, smiling her beautiful "gorilla" smile, serving and enjoying all those around her. She was beautiful as a child and later in her passing. Described as a "Porcelain Doll", she had perfect teeth, never needing a cavity filled. Amy attended pre-school and 1st Grade at Carden Memorial Preparatory School. She later asked to be home schooled, then returned to Quail Hollow Elementary in 5th Grade, in Sandy, Utah. She worked hard at school, took ice skating and violin lessons during this time, staring violin along with her sister at age 3. She went to many Suzuki institutes with her family at a young age. She was an avid reader, devouring books about various topics in very short time, and always carried a book around to read. Amy loved learning. She also read music very well, and was picked in her division to play a concerto at the Music Federation when she was 10. Amy also won an award at the local Cottonwood Heights skating rink in a small skating competition, studying privately with Nancy Grogan. She played with the All-City children's Orchestra for eight years, performing in schools and for many exciting concerts serving the community from grades 1-6. She also played with the Hocking Quartet (a family group) which played at the governor's mansion and many other venues at a very young age. Amy attended Albion Middle School and participated in the orchestra, dance company, and made good grades. She enjoyed making videos with friends and sisters. When she attended Brighton High, she served on the ZCMI Fashion Board, and became the wallpaper in the "juniors" department at the downtown ZCMI due to a photo-shoot, from which her pose was picked to be bigger than life in their store. Amy attended LDS wards with her family while growing up. She enjoyed the Young women's programs and attended with her older sister, learning to ski and may other skills. She sang, played her violin, gave talks, and enjoyed girls' camps. Amy learned to snowboard and often was in the mountains with her husband Sonny on snowboard trips, and with sisters every chance she could go. In Las Vegas, she attended Clark High School for a short while, then returned to Brighton in Salt Lake City. While living in Indiana she attended Harrison High School. Amy made friends quickly and always enjoyed people. Upon returning to Utah, Amy worked at BMW of Murray for many years and loved her supervisor, Linda. She was currently working for Mindquest of Sandy, Utah. Amy was married to Sonny Ricks on the 16th of March, 2004, in Kauai, Hawaii. They traveled extensively together, visiting many countries such as Wales, Scotland, Germany, England, Netherlands, Ireland, Mexico, Canada, Czech Republic, and Italy. Theirs was a relationship of unusual devotion, and great love for one another. Amy will be remembered most for her gorgeous, perfect smile, her sweetness and caring for others to the point of not telling anything of her own that might worry others, and always focused on defending others with great passion. She was always very dedicated to her many friends, and made sure they had the time of their lives in every activity. She helped her mother by playing in "Music from the Heart Children's Orchestra", where she returned as a paid player and sat side by side many children to help them play well in 2008. She enjoyed sitting in the Taylorsville Symphony for a concert with her mother as a stand partner. She was looking forward to preparing to be a mother some day, and especially worked hard at this in her last few months. Amy's gifts were always particularly thoughtful. She always seemed so inspired when giving, and that itself was a gift. She restored to all her family an old album we missed listening to for Christmas, found just the right color of bathroom supplies, and was very observant of needs of others. She loved her four cats, most of which were strays she took in, with whom she interacted daily. Amy is survived by her husband, Sonny Ricks of Salt Lake; four sisters: Alisa (Boston), Hayley, Heidi, and Cali Hocking of Salt Lake City; her father, Duncan John Hocking (Angela) of Pontypool, Great Britain; her mother and step-father, Seth and Susan Wilcox of West Valley City; her mother-in-law, Ingrid Ricks of Ogden; seven sisters and brothers-in-law, four aunts, one uncle, and many cousins in Indiana, Georgia, and South Carolina, and Utah. Also surviving are Amy's five step-brothers and sisters, and 12 step-nieces/nephews residing in Utah. A viewing will be held Sunday night, July 12, from 6-8 p.m. at the Wasatch Lawn Mortuary, 3401 Highland Dr., Salt Lake City. A service honoring Amy's life accomplishments will be held at Wasatch Lawn Mortuary, Monday, July 13, at 2:00 p.m. All are welcome. Any donations can be directed to 2896 Imperial Street, Salt Lake City, Utah 84106.

Amy Hocking

2009-07-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

I found out this morning that a dear friend of mine had passed away. Amy decided to take her life last night. I will miss her so much! I remember the day I met her and all the fun times we shared! I wish I could have been there for her last night when things got rough. Pookie Bear... I miss you!

The best way to spend a Saturday night

2009-06-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

Treyden and Tylie

Here's a little video of Trey dancing to Chris Brown.

Alice in Wonderland

2009-06-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've already been waiting for at least a year for this movie... Now I only have till March! i'm so glad that somethings are starting to come out so I can feed my obsession :)

More Info

2009-06-17T16:58:00.000-07:00

So I was looking around at a website and happen to come across this. If you know me you'll know why I post this and maybe you'll begin to understand just a little bit more. It's refreshing to know that maybe, just maybe someone else out there has the same thought proccess as I do. Do not judge me. I don't judge you.

Enjoy.

Humans are naturally social creatures. Society is based on the evolution and developments of relationships and social interaction: friendship, flirtation, and promiscuity. If these are the foundations of how we interact, then why do most societies restrict themselves by the shackles of sexual monogamy?Infidelity surveys estimate that about 53% of people will have one or more affairs in their lifetime. Undoubtedly this correlates to the 43% of failed marriages in the US. (And seriously, if it wasn't for the anti-divorce culture of some ethnicities, it would be a lot higher here). If so many people cheat or have the propensity to cheat, then perhaps the negative stereotype of cheating is misconstrued. After all, moral compasses were not meant to forcefully drive your life, they were meant to provide guidance to your life.You probably have the impression that cheating is one of the worst things you can do, right up there with taking a life and ... well maybe betraying your best friend. It's something that we have been raised with, and simply instilled upon over and over again by society. But once you are close to someone who has cheated ... or even someones who have cheated ... and you understand their perspectives with an open mind, and not the closed mindedness that most people tend to have, your perceptions shift. You realize and come to understand that cheating is a part of human nature, that we simply cannot be so restrained, that the circular shackle that resides on people's ring finger - whether physical or mental - is something that is nothing more than symbolic.I take life with no preconceptions, with no decided mentality, with nothing set in stone, because why should you lock yourself down when there are so many experiences left to live. Life is too short to worry about things such as suppressing your natural urge to flirt with people that you find attractive, simply because you are bound by the words "i'm taken."There is a difference of love and lust. These two words are by no means bound together, although you hope that the person you fall in love with is the person that you will always have lust for. Marriage is based upon love, a partnership that is formed by a strong connection of two people that hope to share a life together as we are naturally social creatures. Affairs are based upon lust, a feeling that is formed by the attraction of two people who have a physical chemistry as we are naturally social creatures.So the next time you find out your significant other has cheated on you, think about whether or not you have more than lust, think about if you have love. Forget trust, forget forgiveness, forget faithfulness, as the memory will always be burned into your mind. Instead, just decide if that connection you have is stronger than anything else, if nothing else matters. As long as you have that connection, you will have love.

Bee's Baseball

2009-05-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

My friend Rich and his friends have season tickets to the Bee's games. Jazzy and I decided to go to whenever we can and it's been so much fun! Met some fun people and just enjoyed being outside. We've been making plans for the summer and I can't wait to see what it brings.

weight loss

2009-05-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

Just a little story I'd like to call "what the hell happened?"

I just let myself go... Why did I do that? I look back at pics and I'm disgusted with myself. Yeah the pics might mark good times but wow. I think this post is more of a reminder to myself to look back and realize I wasn't at a good place in my life... weight wise. Don't let that happen again. :(

Before:

After:

FRIDAY!

2009-05-04T16:29:00.000-07:00

Best Friday I've had in a long time! Usually because I'm stuck at work and NOTHING fun happens here.

Start the morning off with a trip to the Zoo with the kiddos. I took Jordynne (George) my friend Kiera's little girl, Jazzy took Tai and Lisa took her two kids Riley and Gracie. We met up at the Zoo around noon. The kids were so excited to see all the animals! George had never been to the Zoo before so this was an experience. We took tons of pictures with the kids and had such a fun time taking silly pics with and without the kids :)

After the Zoo Jazzy and I took the girls to my dad's office where they got Ice cream, cookies and doughnuts for being good.

Around 6 Jazzy and I went to meet up with Jaime and Julie and a whole bunch of other friends to celebrate Julie's birthday at Leatherby's. Delicious! and getting to see all the people I miss was a lot of fun! I hope to soon have a lot more days hanging out with them :)

Then Jazzy and I decided nap time was next on the list. I'd been going since 8 am. I don't normally wake up till 10:30 at the earliest. I work nights so I sleep later :) don't judge me lol

We had decided to go bowling but I didn't want to get out of bed. I text Rich to see if he and his friends were still gonna come and they were so I crawled out of bed. I got ready and Jazzy came to get me. We headed out to Fat Cats and got there around 9:30 ish.. probably closer to 10 now that I think about it. There wasn't a wait or anything which really surprised me. Rich and his friends were coming a little later so we got two lane's to make sure they would be by us. Rich, Kole and Joe came about half an hour later. We had such a good time with these guys! we had gone the weekend before as well.

After bowling we went and hung out at Kole's house for a while.

Around 3 am Jazzy and I decided it was time to head home :(

I would like this Friday to repeat itself for a few weekends. Just throw in a little more time with Jaime and Julie and it'd be perfect!

2009-04-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

Another night

2009-04-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

So Jazzy and I went out with the usuals again on Saturday... other than me being sick and sitting most of the night it was fun! Finally got pics of Thad not just from him jumping into the pics. :)
Me, Thad and Jazzy!
Me, Thad and Dave... he felt like jumping in.

Lisa and me... Love this girl!

Dave and Chad. they brought out champagne for Chad's wife Angie's birthday

My girl!

The "can we fit everyone in this pic?" shot

slacking

2009-04-10T17:26:00.000-07:00

Ok So I've been slacking at updating my blog for a while now... I have had so much fun stuff happening and have spaced this. Sore-ee :)

So first: A couple of weekends ago I spent Sunday night at Jaime's. It was so much fun! Jaime and her husband Mikey had a get together with our friends Erika and Anthony, Rich and Awbree, Julie and Sierra even stopped by! I came alone! I've found that with the dirt that is shared by their significant others I don't need to subject myself to that :) although their dirt is always hilarious!

So I got there a little early and got to catch up with Jamie while she made dinner and I kept asking "how can I help?" Every one else started showing up and it was so nice to see everyone! it had been way too long! Awbree and Rich brought their kids and they are too cute! Mix them in with Jaime and Julie's adorable kids and the house was full of cuteness!
We had fun telling stories eating dinner and playing card games... I really didn't want the night to end.

Thank you Jaime for hosting this. I love ya!!!

Last Friday was fun... Me, Lisa, Dave, Mike and Thad all went to Green Street for one of their friend's birthdays. Lots of fun. Met Autumn and her boyfriend, I can't for the life of me remember his name :( Then Saturday night I went out to Green Street again! it was Lane's birthday and I got some of my girlies to come out as well. After Green Street a few of us went over to Kim's and hung out there for a while. some how this pair of sunglasses made their way around to everyone at some point. Here's Dave and Thad. Thad had ownership of the glasses at the moment.

Then this past Tuesday night my friend Bethany (from the Lion House) and I went to the Family Force 5 concert! AMAZING!!! I freaking love this band! 3oh!3 was essentially the headliner but I came to see FF5! I was rocking out of control and the guy next to me thought I was nuts! If you haven't listened to FF5 do yourself the favor and check them out!

And now to the present! Last night Jackie came in town from Chicago so we went to Metal Gods. Jazzy and I hung out earlier in the day. We paid off my warrants and went by Lane's to say hello then off to lunch where we both gorged on Mimi's Cafe. YUM! Home for a nap or in my case an attempt at a nap. Then we headed to Liquid Joe's. Such a fun night! Since I've essentially become a regular there it's nice to walk in and know people. Jazzy and I had to keep moving because we had friends everywhere! Such a fun night but I'm dying today! Could Thad get any cuter in the background? Boy kills me! :)

This weekend should be interesting... My mom is having my brother's over for lunch tomorrow for Easter and my dad is having us over on Sunday.

I get to spend tomorrow night with the ACBC's which should be a lot of fun! But for tonight I'm stuck, hung over, at work... shoot me.

My newest infatuation

2009-04-02T21:51:00.000-07:00

Has everyone seen this man???

I have him on my desktop on one of my monitors at work... the other of course being Steve Nash! <3

Am I alone in thinking this guy is freaking hot?!

MMMMM... Anderson Cooper...

Just a little Dean

2009-04-01T17:22:00.000-07:00

So I have Dean sitting next to me and I think "hmmm... why not take a pic with your pup?"
He sat still and even looked at my phone/camera so I could take a pic!
Such a cute puppy even though he's a pain in the ass!

The weekend

2009-03-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

Yes yes I went and got tattooed... again!

I got my neck touched up and had two extra stars added to the sides of it... The only pics I have aren't the greatest. It's hard to take a pic of the back of your own neck.

I also happen to find an old friend of mine from elementary recently. Jazena. This girl is awesome! She came out with me on Saturday night and we had a blast! I had a migraine pretty much all night but I suffered through it and tried to have fun. She got to meet all the people I've been hanging out with lately and even had a few of the guys "fighting" over her :)

Jazena and I met up before the night began to get some shopping in and get some dinner. She helped me find some cute shirts! Then we headed to Olive Garden where we had the tastiest drinks ever! She got a Strawberry Mango Margarita and I got a Strawberry Fresco I think it was called... Both DELICIOUS! Around 9 we went to my friend Dan's house before we went to Brent's and got to see a few of my friends that I haven't seen in a few months now. We then headed over to Brent's to meet up with every one else. We piled into the cars and headed out. We spent the night at the Circle Lounge. I'd never been there but it was fun! The outside patio was great! Ran into Douche (Cole) while we were there. Around 1:30 ish we headed out and went back to Brent's. I died on the couch. Me and Cly'ta were both hating life. Finally Thad realized how much pain I was in and decided it was best we headed home. I remember taking Kita (Thad's dog) outside to him, getting water and getting Jazena and Marty a blanket since they were crashing on the couch... or asking Thad to get them a blanket and then heading to bed. I thought I was gonna die. My head hurt so bad it was making me nauseated. I was freezing and wanted him to just shoot me. He got me some more Advil and then I passed out.
Thank you Thad for taking care of me. :) and Thanks JZ for hanging out!

I'm super excited for next Sunday! I get to see Jaime and a bunch of people I've been missing for months now!

The Usual

2009-03-11T17:53:00.001-07:00

Hanging out at work. bored out of my mind. With a million things going through my head. Can just a few things work out for me in my favor? I'm not asking for it all... just a few things.

I'm trying to talk my mother into letting me buy/rent her house. This will give her the time to get her crap out and moved over to Phil's. Not only that but I would assume that my brother Mike and possibly Wes would stay living there. I need a place of my own. It's frustrating to me to always have to go somewhere else. I can't really hang out at home. Keep your fingers crossed that this works out.

I've made some really great friends lately. I spend every Saturday night with em. Amy, Sonny, Cecil, Mike & Thad have all been so welcoming to let join me in their group of friends. We've had some really great times together lately. It's also been nice that Lane has been coming out with me on Saturday too.

I miss all the people I use to hang out with all the time but this working nights has limited my time. I'm sorry friends. The one night I really go out has been reserved. :( and :)

For the love of the mountain!

2009-02-27T18:36:00.000-08:00

So Brad and I ventured out again on Tuesday to go boarding. So much better this time! although coming off the lift I immediately went *splat* taking Brad down with me and hitting my already sore tail bone. :( After that I was in pain the whole time... but I sucked it up and had fun! I was getting up by myself. Not an easy thing to do on a hill with a board attached to your feet. My arms paid/are still paying the price for learning this. I was so sore Wednesday!!! Worse than the first time... How is this possible?
I also have an enormous bruise on my right arm and my neck is still really stiff... I don't remember hitting my arm or hurting my neck. Oh well... Soreness means I'm working some muscles that haven't been used... probably ever!
I got to see someone I miss terribly on Monday. Best day and the worst. My time with him wasn't nearly long enough... I cried watching him walk away, again.

lack of interest

2009-02-27T17:49:00.001-08:00

ALIVE!

2009-02-19T17:53:00.000-08:00

I made it out alive... well almost...

I hit the snow pretty hard on our second run. My tailbone hurts so bad! I didn't think it was that bad when it happened. yeah it knocked the wind out of me... more because I wasn't expecting it. We did about 4-5 runs??? I can't remember. After the hit I was doing much better! Brad even said I was doing well. On our last run I told Brad to go ahead... I was just gonna stand there for a bit. My ass hurt so bad!

We got back to his house to unload and I tried to walk up the steps... key word being tried. Man I hurt! I made it inside got changed and crashed on the couch. Brad made mac and cheese and it tasted like heaven lol. He got in the shower to get ready for work and I laid on the couch and passed out! That couch is of the devil. Far too comfy. He headed to work and I stayed planted on the couch. Eventually I made my way up and came to work :( My whole body is becoming very stiff.

So I've had questions on who Brad is... Brad is a friend from when I worked at the Delta Center. Freaking awesome guy! We've been friends for about 5 years now. Brad is someone I can and do tell anything and everything to. I don't know what I'd do without him sometimes. :) Thanks for helping me today Brad! You're awesome in my book! Grape and Apple. lol

So I can't wait to go again! Once my body stops feeling like I just got hit by a truck. I'm sure tomorrow will be even worse but so worth it!!!

Snowboarding!

2009-02-18T18:56:00.000-08:00

In case I die tomorrow snowboarding this will be my last post. LOL

I can't wait to go!! YAY! finally! I will try and get Brad to take at least one ridiculous picture while we're up there...

I'm scared out of my mind and excited all at once! AH!!!!

it's been a while

2009-02-16T20:55:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at work.. bored... I have my Ipod on shuffle and a certain song comes on that makes me think of only one person... I love him so much. I start to feel sad about where our lives have led us... apart. I decide for some odd reason to cause myself more pain and go look through old emails. Such a bad idea. I find one that just makes me bawl. Where did that love go? How can things change so drastically in a few short months?

I hate time. I hate distance. I hate caring. I hate love... it always turns to pain.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T19:37:00.001-08:00

Such a dumb holiday... I could certainly do without it.

boredom

2009-02-12T20:44:00.000-08:00

So this is what happens when I'm stuck at work bored out my freaking mind. I completely change my blog. I had one before this that was really neat looking but it had some weird things that I couldn't make go away... So I settled with Top Secret :)

Work is insanely boring... I can only play games online so much before I want to chuck the computer out the window, if I were anywhere near a window.

I've been working hard on my dieting and exercising. I'm down 40 lbs. INSANE! It hasn't been easy but it also hasn't been that hard... had I only known this would have been taken care of a long time ago. Thank goodness for the Wii Fit. It has helped so much... lame I know.

Lane and I went and bought some new jeans the other day and I already need to go get a smaller size... they are too big. :)

I wish my hair would grow... I know... quite bleaching it and maybe it would... Have you seen my hair natural? Not cute!

I'm on break now... I'm gonna run away from the monotony for a moment... maybe I'll find my way back.

yeah... it does...

2009-02-11T18:19:00.001-08:00

I'm getting paid for this?

2009-02-09T20:32:00.000-08:00

First official day on the job on the official schedule. WOW! This is boring. But I can't complain... I'm getting paid to sit here and play games! Really. That's what I do. My shift is from 2:45-11:15 pm and I've taken 5 calls. Could this get any better??? I've got my Ipod on, games going like there's no tomorrow, a cute boy texting me, and I'm getting paid really well.

I have the feeling this blog will get updated nearly every night :)

Life's twists and turns

2009-02-04T16:46:00.000-08:00

Work has been going really well... I just wish training/shadowing was over. I want to be out on my own already!

My life is becoming so very complicated and yet it's so simple.

A couple of weekends ago a friend and I went to a couple of hockey games... I thought it was going to be so very awkward! My mom and her fiance(Phil) where there. Phil played in the first game. It was Guns vs. Hoses. Then after the game we went to dinner with them... awkward? oddly not at all. Phil and my friend got along famously while chit chatting about golf! My mom and I just sat there like really? All in all a good night.

Then last Friday Jaime and I got to go to another Jazz game... so much fun! I love spending time with this girl! A few nights before that we went to get ice cream with another good friend Julie. I love this girl too! I hope to see her around more often :) Didn't I hear something about a craft night???

At work I've made some pretty good friends along the way.. Jenn, Andrew (we worked together at GE before) Char, Rich and Ben... Great people to be around!

This weekend we are trying to figure something out so we can celebrate my birthday and Andrew's. So hard to get such a completely different group of people together. But I hope it all works out and we have fun! I'm sure we will. :)

I got all my snowboard stuff and I can't wait to go! Brad and I need to figure out a day when we can... I'm pretty sure I'm going to nearly kill myself.

Hopefully I will be getting my ribs done this weekend! We shall see! and if I do there will be pics up :)

Three weeks.

2009-01-23T21:31:00.000-08:00

Well it's been three weeks of training at the new job and I'm so glad it's over! So far I think I am going to really love this job! The people I have met are awesome! I have made fast friends with quite a few of them... I can't wait to be out on the floor on my own.
We are temporarily on the first floor until our new area on the third floor is done being built.

Let's see... what else is there...

I bought my first snowboard today! I'm so excited! My friend Brad has been asking me to go with him and I've really wanted to go... I just hate being the only girl going. Well I found out that my lovely friend Jaime also boards! YAY for me! now I have a girl to go with! So watch out Jaime and Brad... I have a feeling that once it gets here it's gonna take a lot to keep me off the mountain! :)

I've been trying to switch my sleep schedule to a later one. I will be working 3-11 pm after training and shadowing. I'm slowly getting there... I've been staying up as late as I can on the weekends but I still get tired very early :( I made it to 1:30 am for the past 2 weekends! Thank you Jaime for keeping me entertained and awake!

I keep mentioning Jaime... I need to let anyone who reads this know that if you're not friends with her... you should be! She's freaking awesome! I have the best time when I'm out with her and her husband Mikey. They have the greatest friends that have become my friends too. Caca (Erica) and Bigs (Anthony). How is it that I can hang out with 2 married couples and not feel like the fifth wheel? Because these people are amazing! I love being with them!

and now ACBC. My friend Kandyce made a blog for us girls. It's the cutest thing I've seen and I can't wait to be kept up to date with my girls' lives. Sorry folks... you won't be able to read it. It's set to private just for us ;)

Well I'm off to bed with my crazy puppy!

1/5/09

2009-01-04T09:49:00.000-08:00

So I start a new job tomorrow. Am I nervous? Yes! I'm making myself sick thinking about it. :(

I did pretty much the same job for another bank for almost 3 years. I know what I'm getting in to. I know the systems, I know the work that is needed. But I can't help but worry. New people. New atmosphere. This is the perfect time to reinvent myself around people I don't know. I can present what ever image I want because no one (unless someone I know works there that I'm not aware of) will know me.

Lane and I went shopping yesterday to find some new clothes for me. I haven't had to do the whole business attire for almost a year and since I've been losing weight nothing I own really fits anymore. I know that should be a good thing, things not fitting, but I have some cute pants that if I don't wear a belt, will literally fall off now! I hadn't realized it till the other night I was getting ready for bed... I took some jeans off only to realize that I hadn't undone the zipper. There wasn't a struggle or anything... weird, but good. Anyhow back to the shopping. I don't regularly shop at the mall... things are usually way to pricey for me. Lane and I had discovered that JCPenney's has some pretty cute stuff for dang cheap! I ended up getting 2 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, 4 sweater and a pair of cute brown heels (not from JCPenney's but still on sale) and I only spent $140. I found this to be amazing!

I feel a little bit more prepared for this job. I want to make a great impression! Management... here I come :)

ACBC Christmas

2008-12-29T14:29:00.001-08:00

Only one pic so far... but there will be more... lots more!

This is really the one time a year event that we have that everyone is able to come to so we kind of go picture crazy :)
And yes, I am wearing purple pants. Just had to point that out because they are awesome!!! Thank you little brother for them!

New Year brings a new job

2008-12-20T16:24:00.000-08:00

So... I have been working at the Lion House Bakery which has been fun but, the hours & pay suck! I haven't had a social life for a few months now. I work between 2-4 am. It differs on the day of the week. This being said I usually go to bed around 7 pm. No fun. I try to go out on the weekends but I get so tired at like 8 that I usually have to head home so I don't fall asleep somewhere. :( And since I've been living at home again I didn't need something that paid a huge amount. I don't really have that many monthly bills.

Needless to say I've always been on the look out for a better job.

Well I found one! Yay for me! I will be starting work at Wells Fargo on Jan. 5th. I can't wait. I will be in the commercial card area taking inbound calls. This is pretty much what I did for Chase Bank for almost 3 years. I loved it there! I wouldn't have left but, we got laid off last December. Not only does this job come with better hours but MUCH better pay. Even better than Chase and I was a supervisor there. Now I get more money, a better work schedule, a social life & it's so close to home!

Hopefully friends you'll be seeing more of me soon :) No more 8 pm leave time.

8... 8... 8...

2008-12-19T12:34:00.000-08:00

Tagged by Cassie Pickle

8 Shows I watch:
Dexter
One Tree Hill
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Criminal Minds
Without a Trace
So You Think You Can Dance
Clean House

8 things I did yesterday:
Worked
Got my nails done
Signed my offer letter from Wells Fargo!!
Bought Dean a new Kong from PetsMart
Drove past Del Taco and didn't stop! Who does that?
Went to bed extremely early
Got a text from my brother extremely late
Forgot to text Brad back... Sorry I was sleeping :(

8 places I like to eat:
Evergreen
Sage's
Red Robin
Olive Garden
Mimi's Cafe
Cafe Rio
Chili's
Del Taco

8 things I am looking forward to:
The new Year
A new Job
Sleeping in soon!
Starting my Christmas shopping... yes I haven't started yet
Dean not chewing on everything!
A good nights rest for once
A phone call
What the future is bringing me

8 things on my wish list:
My heart back in one piece
A new Ipod
My tattoos to all be done!
A phone call
Dean to stop chewing :)
Some pirate items... anything really...
I could certainly use some snow boots... this weather is nuts!
Dexter Seasons 2 & 3 on DVD :)

8 people I tag:
Adie
Jaime
Julie
Janessa
Lane
Amber Evans
Jill Helbling
Emmie

Dean's bodyguard

2008-12-09T18:06:00.001-08:00

What is this world coming to when two cat people turn into dog people?

My mom also got a dog... well her and her Fiance (Phil) got a dog.
Lilly is Dean's protector as long as he isn't messing with her squeaky toys.

Dean also got a sweater.. he loves it!

Shopping?

2008-12-07T09:39:00.000-08:00

I did quite a bit of shopping yesterday... I went to Lane's condo to start the day off... picked me up a Lane and Andrew. We took a ride to the Yuppie Puppie... Lane and Andrew were plotting a devious ingenious plan on the walk from the car. I found out that the pup I wanted was actually at a PetsMart so we headed there. I took one look into then Stimpy's eyes and knew he was to be mine. I started the paper work.. handed over the money and got me a pup! He's adorable and crazy. After hustling through PetsMart to find necessary puppy items we left and I brought my little guy home to get him acquainted with his new home. He loves my bed, especially after taking a big drink of water... water still dripping from his face.

I took a second trip to PetsMart to get him a crate (freaking pricey!!!) a blanket and some treats. He loves his blankie... not too fond of the crate yet.

Lane, we left his red guy at your mom's. He's going nuts without it. chewing on all sorts of things.

After trying out a few names on him... Albie, Dean, Monroe... I've settled on Dean or Deanie. After James Dean. Deanie seems to help a little coming from Stimpy to Deanie... the ending catches his ear. He's almost 4 months old and loves to go on walks.

Well now that he's napping it's my turn to take a nap... waking up every two hours to take him outside was no fun and FREEZING... such is the life with a little one :)

touch ups

2008-12-04T15:27:00.002-08:00

Here they are still healing but already looking so much better! Now they finally match! Once they peel the colors will be bright again :)

I just couldn't wait...

2008-12-01T18:17:00.000-08:00

Well I had an appointment today at 1 pm to get my feet tattoos touched up. But I had something more important come up around that time slot so I figured I would just go tomorrow. Well the more important thing got switched till later so I ended up at the tattoo shop anyhow. So I got the sparrows beautified and had a few more stars added to my left one to match my right one. So here's the pics. First right foot all done and beautiful. Yes, it's a dead sparrow. I'm weird I know.
Then both my sparrows. Left foot alive, right foot dead.
And then now with the wrap still on... you can barely see the new stars because of the light from the pic but I'll have new ones as soon as they are done healing :)

Tattoo goals

2008-12-01T14:03:00.000-08:00

Ok to help me rationalize spending money on more ink I decided I would need a reason. So I set some goals that I need to reach before I can get the stuff I want.

1. Get my car finally legal - Then I get to add to my neck.
2. Hit my goal weight - get my ribs done :) SOOOOO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE!!!
3. Get my Vehicle infractions taken care of - I'm thinking of getting my mermaid done for this one.
4. Not until 1 and 3 are taken care of take a trip to Vegas and get my "uncle" Dirk to finish my left shoulder and hopefully get my banner done.
5. Finish some schooling, looking in to Pharmacy Tech - get my right arm started.

So there ya go... I have the plans for everything that I will get done even beyond this... I just need to have the time, money and the goals complete.

Tears

2008-11-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

How does a tear express how you feel? I've had happy tears... lots of those in the past. Now-a-days they seem to be sad... hurting... painful tears. How does crying seem to ease the pain? Sometimes I feel better after crying. Other times I wish the world would just stop turning.

I try not to let things get me down.. but I can't always be optimistic. I can't put on a happy face and fake it all the time. I've been through a lot. I feel entitled to be dreary, depressed, a real stick in the mud every once in a while.

I need something to pull me out of this funk. I just won't allow anyone to try and help. I appreciate the offers and attempts. Thank you Lane, Jaime and Brad for trying.

Courtside with the Jazz

2008-11-20T18:55:00.000-08:00

OK so! Jaime and I were fortunate enough to attend the Jazz game the other night. I love the Suns so I pretty much begged my dad for tickets. He works for Huntsman Sr. and when he's out of town there is a chance that I get to go. This being one of the nights.

So Jaime and I got the suite tickets. I was hoping that we'd get to go down to the floor but thought it unlikely since my dad wasn't going to be there. I have been court side now three times. AMAZING!

So when we first get there Jaime and I are eating and then the hostess for the evening informs me that we can use the floor tickets for the first quarter. Jaime and I freak! We nearly run to the floor. :) We get there and the view is amazing! We start taking pics during the warm up like you wouldn't believe!

Just after the game starts this guy comes and sits one person away from us. Some weirdos behind us are yelling "GO UTES!!" We glance at him and Jaime's like "how do I know him!!!??? he looks so familiar." I said well the guys behind us were yelling for the Utes... She jumps. "That's Brian Johnson! he's the Quarter Back for the Utes! Holy crap!" She wanted a pic with him so badly! I said just wait till time out or something... OH! and before this during warm up Jaime had to throw the ball back to Matt Harpring... Yes he looked right at her about 10 feet away and motioned for the ball. lol

So time out is called.. Jaime leans over and says something to the fact of I love you... you're awesome.. can I get a pic with you? He was so nice! he welcomed her closer... closer being almost his lap! she chucks the camera to me and I snap the pic! SO cute!

First quarter over we take off for the suite. We enjoy watching the game and chatting and of course taking more pics :) Half time we wander off to the first floor where the locker room is. I use to work at the Energy Solutions Arena/ Delta Center so I knew where I was going :)

We stopped next to the locker room so Jaime could see some of the players... I got to catch up with some old friends... Doug Birrell -Team Massage Therapist, Mark Mckown -Assistant Coach, Brian Zettler - Trainer. Awesome guys!

The game was over far too soon! we took some more fun pics before leaving the suite. Then we went back down to the first floor. I wanted to say hi to my friend... the Jazz Bear. We were waiting near control (security) and I knew the players would be coming out soon... I really REALLY wanted to see Nash. I love this guy!!! So I was talking to my friend Brad in control when Jaime yells "Whit! here he is!" I snap around and see him walking down the hall. I was just gonna take a pic of him as he walked by but Jaime did so much better! She jumps in front of him and says "My friend Whitney here is your biggest fan of all your fans! Can she get a picture with you?" I didn't know what to do! I stood there... in shock for 2.3 seconds. Then he said "of course." he puts his arm around me and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I said "Hi. I'm Whitney." at least I think that's what I said. lol

Then we are walking back towards the locker room and Jaime is having tons of fun snapping pics of the players as they casual walk passed us. Then she spies Korver coming our way. She asks him if he'll take a pic with her and of course he agrees... I took the adorable pic!

Can I just put in here now how much I adore Jaime! I have so much fun hanging out with her! She's so outgoing and fun! I just wish that we would have been friends in High School! I can only imagine the mischief we would have gotten in to :) Love ya Babe!

By this time the security people aren't happy with us taking so many pics and what not so we are asked to leave LOL

We head for home from such a fun night! I knew I had to be to work so early the next morning but I didn't want the night to end...

After all the stress and sadness from the previous few weeks this was just what I needed.

Thank you Jaime!

just a sneak peak

2008-11-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

I'm running to pick up my car *fingers crossed it's fixed* But I had to leave a little teaser as to what's to come... Last night I had a wonderful night with Jaime... Just what I needed :)

Here's just a little of what happened!

Diet

2008-11-17T09:26:00.000-08:00

This heart ache thing might just be the greatest diet I've ever been on... Would I trade the diet for my heart being whole again? In a heart beat... no pun intended.

What little I can stand to eat doesn't stay down for long...
I feel so... what's the word??? Broken, lost, misplaced...

I suppose time heals all wounds... and time is always relative :)

Ouch

2008-11-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had someone tell you something... something you knew was coming... you expected it to happen... you just didn't know when... and deep inside you hoped it would never happen?

Mine happened.

It would have broken my heart if it weren't already shattered from the first impact. Ouch.

How can you lose something twice? You lose it... after many years of searching and hoping, you happen to come across it one day... you think... no, you KNOW it's the greatest thing ever! you're so happy to have it back! Then... just like before... it's gone.

I ripped my heart out to give to you... I don't want it back. It's yours... forever. Please be kind with it. The one thing in the world I wish I could keep forever. Isn't mine to keep...

I love you. Always.

been too long

2008-11-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

Hmmm... lets see... A bunch has happened lately... but nothing that is very life changing.

I went to Frightmares with some friends one weekend. Went on a car scavenger hunt that same weekend. Worked a lot. Didn't go to work because I slept passed my alarm. Oops. Went to the Jazz game with Douche AKA Cole. Said hi to old friends at the DC AKA ESA. Missed someone more than I thought possible. Bought and installed a new showerhead. Fell in love with a song. Cried. Laughed. Threw up. Hung out with Lanito. Bought some new books. Bought my tickets for Twilight! Bought new coats. Had a visit from Nate Stott. Got my nails done. Watched some new movies. Forgotten. Cut my hair. Dyed my hair... er... rather bleached my hair. Reality set in. Took a 5 year old to build a bear. Went to Xela's happy birthday/ Baby Gia's 3 week birthday. Sang Hannah Montana's Best of Both Worlds with "George" for at least 20 minutes. Bought fake cockAroaches. Text my cousin quite a bit. Got some good phone calls. My brother stayed at home. :) Looked in to getting a pup. And I slept, but as usual, not nearly enough.

There you have it folks... a whole lot of nothing. :) it's what makes me... me!

Moving day.

2008-10-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

Not moving for me but for the girls. They are in the process of packing their stuff as I type this. Even as they are moving the plot thickens. They have some friend here. Some guy. I was sitting here on the computer and overheard a conversation of them wanting to go out to smoke. Not a big deal. Then I hear this kid go "just light up in here." Thank god the girls are smart enough to say "oh, in the house?! yeah that's not a good idea." The kid spouts off with "if someone pissed me off I'd piss them off." I'm sorry how did my mother piss you off??? by letting you live in the house for three months rent free??!!! By not saying a word to you and letting you have pretty much your way with the house?! Are you kidding me! I'm so mad right now. If I hear one more smart ass remark from anyone I'm gonna snap. Not an easy thing for me to do.

UGH!

Pictures

2008-10-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

Well I had my mom order me some pictures that I saw in a catalog of hers. The moment I saw them I knew I had to have them. Well they finally came today. They are even better than in the pictures! I don't know what it is about them that made me need them so badly... They are just beautiful.

Family War

2008-10-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

I feel like there is quite literally a war beginning in my family. It's the boys against the girls. We're out numbered 2 to 4. First this thing with my oldest little brother. Then my dad choosing My brother's and the girls in the basements side. (I don't know if he actually has. It's just how I feel from our "conversations.") Then I put a pic of my dad up on my myspace from who knows how many years ago from his mission. He's standing with Marie Osmond. I thought it was great. I get a message from my youngest brother saying "Take the family pics off of your pictures. We don't need every asshole on the internet seeing a picture of dad with a name tag Elder D. B_______." (I erased the rest of MY last name so if they happen across this I can avoid further reprimanding.) Ok if my dad doesn't want the picture up then that's fine. I would have erased it. But getting a rude email from my 15 year old brother doesn't make me feel like doing anything. So to appease the masses I just made that section of my picture visible to friends only. Hopefully I'm not friends with "every asshole on the internet."

How am I supposed to fight a war when the playing ground isn't fair? I don't want to fight a war. I just feel it's inevitable. I guess the only good thing we have going is that I'm not afraid to speak my mind. My Mom has a harder time with that. She doesn't like to say things impulsively that will make things worse. She likes to think of the situation and then respond. I just fly off the handle. Much like my father and youngest brother.

Problem is my youngest brother is so manipulative in things he says to my dad. He can say anything true or not, usually not, and have my dad believing it. Usually things about me. "Whitney's done drugs..." I've heard that one before. Never have and NEVER will. But do you think my dad believes that? Hell no... I've been so in and out of every one's life that they don't even know me. Did they know where I lived half of the time I wasn't home? No. Did they know that I had a roommate crazier than a shit house rat? No. Did they know I was an alcoholic for a year? No. Did they know I was in the worst abusive relationship ever for almost a year? No. They don't know and more importantly, they don't care. I could sit down and try to talk to anyone in my family and it will always turn against me.

I'm the oldest I'm supposed to be an example. EXAMPLE?! To what? 3 boys? how is that supposed to work? The rules seem to have changed so much for each kid. How is that supposed to be fair? I know times change and things need to be tweaked but have a little bit of consistency. Some rules would be a good idea. They have none. I had bad grades=grounded for life. They get bad grades=no one gives a shit.

I'm done fighting. I think that might be the best thing now. I'm done. Here's my white flag waving. Leave me out of this. I need to get out of here. Get away from everything. Start over somewhere new. Leave my "family" behind.

Hoodies & glasses

2008-10-21T17:12:00.000-07:00

Ok I live in hoodies! I love these things...

Well I recently ordered some new ones and I got them in the mail yesterday! So excited!

Julie had questioned my hoodies so I figured it best to just put it up here :)

So here they are! I love things that have logos or decals in weird/not usual places. So the one has the number 15 on the hood. I saw that and had to have it! The other one is just too cute and since I had gone and seen the show but didn't get it while I was there I figured why not get it now??? :)

Enjoy!

And I went to get new glasses today.. they will be ready in 7-10 days. Hopefully sooner! I found the cutest frames and I can't wait to get them. I haven't had a new prescription in 3 years so I can only imagine how much it's changed. The ones I have are blue on the outside and green inside. I always love different glasses. Here's the frames I picked out.

These ones are black on the outside and clear inside.

And these ones are a purpley-ish color... so cute! I didn't think that the cat eye style would look good on me but, I tried em on and loved em!

How did my life come to this?

2008-10-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of the worst days I've ever had! My mother and brother got in an argument about him and his friends living at her house. She's sick of them living in the basement rent free. Not only rent free but they are disrespectful in every way. They have two dogs that run around the backyard ripping stuff up. They never feed them. I feed them. They come inside the house and tear things apart in here too. Who ends up cleaning up that mess??? not the girls... You'd think that if you were living rent free in some one's home you would go out of your way to make it known that you appreciate that. Do the dishes, clean the house, do some yard work.. at least clean up after yourself and your pets! But no... they don't...

Well it came to what we thought was an end yesterday. Mom and Mike are yelling... I'm in my room with the door shut, listening. I didn't want to get in the middle of it. Then BOOM! my door gets kicked in. What the hell?!?!?! Now I'm pissed and scared... I text my cousin to call the cops. I didn't have phone service or I would have called myself. I also couldn't get outside thanks to my brother standing in the hallway blocking that path. I'd never seen him pissed like this before. I didn't know what he was going to do...

Finally he goes to his room. I B line it for outside. I call Toni to see if she has called the cops yet... She had. About 5 minutes later they show up. The first cops approaches me.. Crap... I know him... well of him... he's a friend from Jr. High and High School's brother... He asks what is going on.. I start to tell him.. he then walks past me and inside. I follow and call my mom downstairs. We each take our turns talking to the cops and telling our story. The whole time I'm bawling.. My mom's bawling and Mike's just pissed. Mean while the girls are downstairs doing god only knows. The cops then talk to them I'm not sure exactly what was said but I know the jist of it was you're not welcome here anymore.

They give Mike an arrest citation and ask him to leave to cool off. The girls leave through the garage before he does. The cops continue to talk to me and my mom. Then the cop I "knew" says "remember Matt Madsen?" "uh... yeah. why?" I respond. "oh that was just him on the air... he said to tell you hi." Wow.. now I feel dumb... My friend Matt now knows about what's going on... I knew he was with WVCPD I should have known... I decided to text him and say hi back... He said he would have come inside be had to go to another call. Thank god for that. I could only imagine what I looked like. :(

After all is said and done we sat and cried... Thinking what happened??!! I now had the worst migraine EVER!

I ended up throwing up a couple of times from the pain so I decided I needed to lay down.

Mike came home to get stuff... didn't say anything to us and left.

You'd think that after all this if you were "the girls" you would a. not come back for a while. b. come back get stuff and leave again. or c. come in and be like a ghost. not seen or heard. Well they did nothing of the sort. This is where I throw in that I work at 2 am Mon-Fri. and I'm up around 1-1:30 am. Well this morning I get woken up at 1 by the girls coming in the garage. I'm thinking "you have got to be kidding me!!!!" I then get up around 1:20 to get ready. I can hear them while I'm upstairs laughing and talking like nothing happened! I walked in my mom's room to see if she was up... yeah she was. I said "do you hear that?!" She looked and me and goes "yeah... I can't even believe it." I was so pissed! I wanted to walk down there and scream! "HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT!" sorry for the cursing but when I'm pissed I can't control it. nothing says it better than the F word. By the time I left for work the lights were off and it was quiet. no reason to cause a problem now.

Here I am now... on the computer looking at my Myspace. I happen across one of the girls pages and take a look at some pics... WHAT IS THIS!? I find a pic of one of them in MY SHIRT!!! not only that but the other one leaves a comment saying "Whitney's." So they clearly know it's not theirs!!!!!!!!!! WHO DOES THIS!? I want to write on her page and be like are you kidding me?! Here's the pic. I saved it just in case they decided to erase it I'll have it... EWWWWWWW! Well now the story is done. What happened to my life... how did it come to this?